Maggie's Movie Award Academy 2025

The Oscars are today! Exciting for people like me, who love silly drama for its own sake.

I watched a lot of movies in 2024. Definitely not all of them! But more than many Academy voters, so I feel qualified to run my own awards. The prize is my already paid attention.

My nominees and winners for Maggie's Movie Award Academy are:

Most Rewatchable.

Mean Girls (2024)

Madame Web

The Bikeriders

Love Lies Bleeding

Flow

Kneecap

I have watched Kneecap four times. If you come visit, we can watch Kneecap and I will have watched Kneecap five times.

Best Movie Shorter than 90 Minutes.

Late Night with the Devil

Am I Okay?

My Old Ass

A Real Pain

Flow

All five of these movies are excellent but you're (I'm) asking me to vote against my cats' favorite film. I cannot do that.

Most Earned 135-Minutes-or-Longer Runtime.

Furiosa

Kinds of Kindness

Joker 2

The Substance

Wicked

Anora

Gladiator II

The Brutalist

Dune Part 2

Dune Part 2 wins because it is the only movie on this list that could've been longer. I could've enjoyed more wide shots of sand moving around and also people doing sandy sci-fi tasks and worms moving through sand. Dune Part 2 rules man.

Highest Actual-Quality-to-Critical-Consensus Ratio.

Madame Web

The Idea of You

Trap

The Beekeeper

Joker 2

Some great, critically-panned movies! I loved all these movies, but while the other four are just fun genre films, Joker 2 is one of the most compelling and political movies I watched last year. It is a movie about prison isolation and the way that people wear the identity of the downtrodden like clothes while leaving those same people to brutalized by a corrupt police state. The musical aspect softens the edges of the movie to make it less an exploitation film and more an exhortation on the audience's complicity in state violence. I'm just supposed to pretend the poor critical response wasn't at least partially an organized effort to keep us from using what little remains of our collective literacy? Give me a break.

Highest First-Act-Quality-to-Second-Act-Quality Ratio.

Megalopolis

Civil War

Nosferatu

The Seed of the Sacred Fig

The Brutalist

This category is for movies that played out a little like this:

Director boys took some hard falls this year, and no one fell off harder than Brady Corbett making the second act of the Brutalist. "We've made the best 90 minutes of film many of our viewers are ever going to see in their lives" he said after finishing the first act. "What if we crafted the second half of the film to induce arguments about Zionism amidst a backdrop of sexual violence?"

Film dorks love this movie, and I get it. I found the back half jarring in a bad way.

Best Article of Clothing.

The Giedi Prime Arena-Grunt, Lady-Gaga-Hats in Dune Part 2

Kristen Stewart's Mullet in Love Lies Bleeding

The Slutty Little Outfits from Conclave

Isabel's dress in I Saw the TV Glow

The I Told Ya shirt from Challengers

Harris Dickinson's Adidas Handball Spezials in Babygirl

Those fuckass shoes have to take it. For me, I think the movie hit or didn't on the basis of those shoes.

Babygirl is a Straight movie, but it isn't trying to prescriptive about it. I knew it wasn't being prescriptive while I was watching the movie because those shoes are awful. Some Straight movies try to convey the universal applicability of the straight experience in a way that really loses me. But not Babygirl! No choice is more specific and less universal than those UGLY shoes. He wore them the whole movie and every time I saw them I was like "hell yeah those are horrible I love this." You know it's a movie about a specific set of straight people because not all straight people would be associated with that mustard/cobalt combo but only straight people would even consider it. A blessing through all of Babygirl, just horrid.

Most Compelling Accent Work.

Selena Gomez in Emilia Perez

Aubrey Plaza in Megalopolis

The AI model used to fix the actors' Hungarian accents in The Brutalist

Austin Butler in Dune Part 2

Austin Butler in The Bikeriders

Tom Hardy in The Bikeriders

Jodie Comer in The Bikeriders

A banner year for accent choices that will stay with me for life. The obvious frontrunners were The Bikeriders cast collectively hallucinating a 1950s Chicago accent, but Aubrey Plaza and Harris Dickinson also made compelling choices that made me cheer in the clⓤb.

Ultimately, Jodie Comer takes it for how she decided to pronounce "five weeks later I married him." I'm not sure how you make those words sound like that. Minute 15:45 if you're interested.

Best Oklahoma Mentioned.

Daddio

Deadpool & Wolverine

Love Lies Bleeding

Twisters

Twisters is not better than Loves Lies Bleeding; however, it is a movie about Oklahoma, so it wins the category. A generous portrait of Oklahoma that we don't often get, actually. It was really nice. Glen Powell you may charm me yet.

Best Oklahoma Mentioned Starring Katy O'Brien.

Twisters

Love Lies Bleeding

Emphasizing Katy O'Brien's performance in the movie though, Love Lies Bleeding takes it over Twisters. She was (hot) in both movies, for some reason.

Best Woodward, Oklahoma Mentioned.

Daddio

Sean Penn and Dakota Johnson talk in a cab for 95 minutes about the drive between Gage, Oklahoma and Woodward, Oklahoma. I am the only person who saw this movie.

Best Movie in Which Someone is Stabbed by a Cross.

Abigail

Late Night with the Devil

MaXXXine

Monkey Man

God, Monkey Man. Surely the best mid-budget action movie of the year, if not the last couple of years. Action notwithstanding, also a stellar movie about collective resistance. No one tell me anything bad about Dev Patel.

Best Cross-Stabbing in a Movie.

Abigail

Late Night with the Devil

Monkey Man

MaXXXine

A slight distinction over the last category. I loved it when that little freak stumbled out from behind the Hollywood sign.

Best Music.

Dune Part 2

I Saw the TV Glow

Civil War

Babygirl

The Brutalist

Flow

Challengers

Water is wet. 1+1=2.

Most Important Musical Performance in a Film to Me, Personally.

Ariana Grande singing "No One Mourns the Wicked"

Lady Gaga singing "I've Got the World on a String"

Cynthia Erivo singing "I’m Not That Girl"

Kneecap performing "C.E.A.R.T.A."

Apple “Radar” Noise performing the Challengers Main Theme

Jaquel Spivey in Mean Girls (2024) singing "Laissez Moi Tout (iCarly Theme Song)"

Most Likely to Encourage Drug Use.

Love Lies Bleeding

Dune Part 2

My Old Ass

His Three Daughters

Kneecap

Ahahahahahahahjjajajjjaahaha whatever you're imagining, imagine more of it. I love da movies.

Most Successful Needle-to-Body-Modification Result in Film.

Love Lies Bleeding

The Substance

Nightbitch

2024 big year for injectables! That Nightbitch needle had fast and flawless results.

Best Movie for Couples who Fight in Public.

The Bikeriders

Babygirl

Nosferatu

Nightbitch

Nightbitch again, because while I'm sure Babygirl has helped a lot of couples find renewed joy in their sex lives, I'd bet money that Nightbitch has stopped at least one imminent divorce.

Best Misandry.

Love Lies Bleeding

Lisa Frankenstein

Nightbitch

Conclave

Daddio

The Substance

Remember that scene in The Substance where they cut from hag-Elizabeth's ass to a male model's ass and the male model's ass was uglier and harder to look at? I do, I remember it every single day.

The rest get truly honorable mentions. Love Lies Bleeding for what Katy O'Brien did to Dave Franco's jaw. Lisa Frankenstein for asserting that the only good man is a dead one. Nightbitch for being a movie about a woman who has a terrible husband. Daddio for starring Sean Penn. And Conclave for its riveting tale of men having a diva-off about something inconsequential.

Picture Most Likely to Star Jenna Maroney.

Poolman

Trap

Daddio

Red One

Alien: Romulus

Emilia Perez

Hear me out, replace Selena Gomez with Jane Krakowski and replace everyone else with muppets. Fixed the movie, you are welcome France.

Best Words (I am Not Qualified to Judge a Screenplay).

Monkey Man

Perfect Days

Challengers

The Seed of the Sacred Fig

The Substance

I Saw the TV Glow

This is between TV Glow and The Substance for me. I think both are fabulous, and I think both use the same Cool Trick to help land their final acts. Specifically, at about two-thirds of the way through each movie, every member of the audience is asked to make an affirmative (if unconscious) choice about how to interpret what is happening on screen. While the target audience for each movie might make a choice that is designed to provide them with an emotionally resonant resolution, some remainder of the audience might be impelled to make a choice that alienates them on purpose. I won't completely spoil each movie for you, but: For TV Glow, the target audience gets galling instructions for a hopeful ending and the alienated audience gets "contact high gender dysphoria;" For The Substance, the target audience gets an escalating sense of Awful Understanding, in part from the alienated audience's also-escalating laughter.

Again, a Cool Trick. I think the movies share a lot of DNA, both in this way and other ways. It was neat to watch them both for the first time within months of each other.

After some thought, I had to give this one to TV Glow for the scene below. That said, both movies really really love and connect with only? the people they're made for.

A Note Before the Final Categories!

If you're not aware of The Seed of the Sacred Fig, the wiki will catch you up just fine. I need to normalize for the movie on the front end. Doesn't make sense to compare a dangerous act of protest to people doing their day jobs.

Soheila Golestani's performance made me understand my own family better. Misagh Zare's conveyance of paranoia was complex and heavy. Setareh Maleki's performance in the final sequence of Sacred Fig made me cry in the bathroom after the movie was over. A just world recognizes Sacred Fig’s flaws as a consequence of the reality it depicts and awards it Best Picture. The entire cast and crew deserve public and international veneration.

Sacred Fig and its performances are not considered below because I think it should win most awards, per se, else the awards are frivolous. And honestly? I want to keep things frivolous after this! But do watch that movie.

Best Actor in a Protagonist Role.

Naomi Ackie as Frida in Blink Twice

Justice Smith as Isabel in I Saw the TV Glow

Mikey Madison as Anora in Anora

Cynthia Erivo as Elphaba Thropp in Wicked

Kôji Yakusho as Hirayama in Perfect Days

Fernanda Torres as Eunice Paiva in I’m Still Here

Coleman Domingo in Sing Sing, I assume I haven't seen it yet

Demi Moore as Elizabeth Sparkle in The Substance

After the awards bickering is over, we’re going to talk about Demi Moore's performance in The Substance like we talk about Jodi Foster in Silence of the Lambs and Sissy Spacek in Carrie. Tentpole achievement, go fight with a wall.

Best Actor in a Villain Role.

Channing Tatum as A Hell Demon in Blink Twice

Stefani Germanotta as Culture Vulture in Joker 2

Margaret Qualley as Sue in The Substance

Bill Skarsgard as Dead in Nosferatu

Guy Pearce as German-American in The Brutalist

Austin Butler as Feyd-Into-You-Rautha in Dune Part 2

Denzel Washington as Macrinus in Gladiator II

Denzel Washington was amazing in a wonderful Gladiator sequel! The wonderful Gladiator sequel was not Gladiator II, but a different movie starring Denzel Washington and nested within Gladiator II. I almost gave it to Austin Butler, and maybe I should have–He was playing an actual villain in his best work to-date. But Washington was able to build a whole world around himself with next-to-nothing provided. It was delightful.

Best Actor in the Role of Person-With-Information.

Vipin Sharma as Alpha in Monkey Man

Margaret Qualley as Freaky Twins in Kinds of Kindness

Willem Dafoe as Professor von Franz in Nosferatu

Isabella Rossellini as Sister Agnes in Conclave

Carlos Diehz as Cardinal Benitez in Conclave

Stanley Tucci as Cardinal Bellini in Conclave

Karren Karagulian as Toros in Anora

"I don't have Instagram. I am an adult, man!"

Best Actor in a Love Interest Role.

Nicholas Galitzine as Harry Styles in the Idea of You

Josh O'Connor as Patrick in Challengers

Harris Dickinson as A Man in Babygirl

Austin Butler as Babygirl in The Bikeriders

Jonathan Bailey as Fiyero in Wicked

Lily Rose Depp as Ellen Hunter in Nosferatu

Katy O'Brien as Jackie in Love Lies Bleeding

There is a single voting member for these awards, friends.

Best Actor in a Foil Role.

Mike Faist as Art in Challengers

Kirsten Dunst in Civil War

Jack Haven as Tara in I Saw the TV Glow

Emma Stone as No-Thumbs in Kinds of Kindness

Yura Borisov as Igor in Anora

Carrie Coon as Asshole Sister in His Three Daughters

Ariana Grande as Glinda in Wicked

Only one person here successfully executed a technically difficult and generationally famous soprano role on one of the largest movie-musical productions since Funny Girl (1968), so only one person is even a serious candidate.

Best Actor in the Role of Guy-Who-Rocks.

Flow State Drummer in Monkey Man

Lady Raven as herself in Trap

The guy who played Brucie in Bikeriders (RIP Brucie ily Brucie)

Moses Sumney! in MaXXXine

Ewan Esther-Rose McGregor as Lesbian Daughter in Babygirl

Unnamed Baby Camel as the Capybara in Flow

Aubrey Plaza as Wow Platinum in Megalopolis

Babes Megalopolis was everything you've heard it was but Aubrey Plaza was so good in it as Wow Platinum. I named my Origin Forme Palkia in Pokemon Go "Wow Platinum" because wow (platinum).

Best Picture.

Not everything has to be war or sports, this is a million-way tie between the movies listed above and other amazing movies. All of the above-listed movies have helped me tend the garden of my life etc. etc.

Perfect Days

A crowning achievement of the “aging Hollywood legend makes a movie” genre. I loved it, go watch Perfect Days!

Final Recommendations.

Movies are fake and fun, here are my recommendations for watching more movies in 2025:

(1) We like things, we hate things, but we don't ignore things enough. Leave all things that aren't for you to the lovers. I'm working on it. <3

(2) Watch movies with friends and talk about the movies.

(3) Never trust The General Consensus. The General Consensus liked The Blind Side.

(4) Take recommendations that you're interested in within 24 hours or lose them forever.

(5) If the movie has shit politics, ignore (1).

I love you all! Talk to you soon.

Appendix

Here are my notes on all the movies I watched (and didn't) for 2024, final as of 2/20/25.